So many times, I jump feet first into things. I barrel straight through and take the entire experience upon my shoulders with thoughts of making it bend to my will…whatever it is that I’m doing. I’m not in control, though.
I’m. Not. In. Control.
I like to be in control, to know what’s coming and, in my over-analytical way, have a Plan A, a Plan B and beyond. All contingencies that I can think of have been considered. If this is not how your personality is, just be thankful…very thankful.
I’ve heard and even said to myself and others “Let go and let God” and while I understand this in theory, I’ve over-complicated it to the point that it doesn’t make sense to me in that I haven’t had the ability to do it.
Then, yesterday I came across something on Pinterest. It gave me some much needed clarity:
Now, I feel I should disclose that I pray daily in my prayer journal in which I write in each night. Many a night, I pray for clarity. Something happened within me when I read the above Pinterest post that I feel compelled to try to explain. I have prayed for answers regarding my livelihood for the majority of my adult years. Knowing I’m not a typical 9-5 job type of person, I have struggled both financially and professionally in trying to find my place. It seems when I come upon something that seems to finally be “it”, it peaks and then I am left with starting over or trying a different avenue.
When I read that post, though, I realized I had prayed about it but hadn’t really talked about it. I’d always prayed and then tried to think and research and attempt to find something else to try. Instead, I should talk to God and leave it. Then, go about my daily work, and let everything come as it’s supposed to come. No more worrying. No more waiting impatiently. No more giving it to God and then taking it back.
This gave me such a peace. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to understand this before. If you’d told me, I hate to say that it probably wouldn’t have sunk into my hardheadedness but finally, I totally get it. And I’m grateful.