My Heavy Heart Therapy

This is going to be a sad entry, but I read somewhere it was a good idea to write things out when things are bad in your life. Somehow it’s a form of therapy…so here goes.

Tonight I write this wish such a heavy heart. It seems as though my husband and I are about to lose our sweet little angel kitty cat. She’s been with us as long as he and I have been together and she was with him long before that. She’s 19 years old, which is a LONG life for a cat, I know. Back around Thanksgiving, she showed the first sign of trouble with some neurological problems and walking in circles. A visit to the vet took care of that and she was better until January. January found her retinas becoming detached and she became completely blind. Then, she started experiencing cycles of rapid breathing. Another visit to the vet and some near death spells, we thought she was getting better. Until yesterday afternoon. Since that time she has been in a cycle of walking into things and she has now, done the worst…quit eating and drinking. Our little girl isn’t herself and is just lying down kicking her feet now. So, from everything we’ve read, we have to have her put to sleep because without eating and drinking, she will be in tremendous pain. Supposedly, it is the kindest thing we can do for her. Tears fill my eyes as I try to type this all out. My head feels like it weighs a ton. We were up almost all night last night with her. So, basically, we have had little sleep and we’ve cried off and on (mostly on). Though we know it’s the end of her life here with us, we hurt for her and for our loss.

I’ll tell you a little bit about her….

Her name is China and she’s part Blue Himalayan and part Siamese. She is a BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS long haired cat with the sweetest disposition you have ever seen in a cat. Anytime since I’ve known her, she’s always been there for me. When I’ve been sick with the flu or some other illness, she sensed it and would get on the bed with me and snuggle up close to me. That little girl always made me feel better because she cared so much. Anytime I have been sad, she comforts me. When I come home, she’s at the door waiting. If I’m sitting somewhere, she wants to be what we call our “lap kitty”.

Now, I write this with her lying on her side consistently moving her little paws back and forth in a repetitive motion like she’s walking or swimming. I cannot stand to think that this time tomorrow night, she won’t be here. It’s absolutely breaking my heart.

Maybe it’s worse because we don’t have children. It’s just always been the three of us. Anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down during this post and I really don’t know whether or not it helped me to write about it. At any rate, thanks for listening and I’m sorry to write such a depressing and painful post.

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2 thoughts on “My Heavy Heart Therapy

  1. And now, to show a serious side.

    I’m so sorry about your cat. Some people don’t understand that they are every bit a member of your family as any human.

    When I was seven years old, I got my first cat. My parents had had their own pets, but Petey was mine. He was also a seal point siamese and himalayan mix. I grew up with that cat.

    When I was approximately 23, he started getting symptoms similar to an upper respitory disease. After extensive testing, the vet informed me that my best friend was suffering from renal failure. He asked me a series of questions about his recent behavior, and from my answers told me that I could probably keep him alive for a few weeks, but he would have no quality of life, because his condition was so advanced. I was told the kindest thing I could do was put my cat down.

    I took him home for one more night. It was the most painful thing I ever did, but I will never regret having that one last night. Watching him convinced me that putting him down was the correct decision. He was so advanced, I don’t think he knew who I was.

    I stayed in the room. I held my cat. I was there when he was born, and I held him as he left this world. I couldn’t do anything else for someone I loved so much.

    Years later, I still cry as I write this comment. My heart goes out to you and your husband during this time. I hope that you remember the good times, rather than the bad.

    XOXOXO,

    Julie

  2. Cozy:
    I am sure that you have a lot of wonderful memories of your cat! Try to focus on those to help you through the tuff times!

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